My Epiphany Concerning US Politics

I had a bit of a conspiracy theorist moment while watching some news program or other and realized that maybe all the stupid things politicians say is planned out before hand.  (It must be true because as I was typing up this on my cellular device the page crashed right as I was about to hit “publish” – the government is watching… *glances around furtively*)  They purposefully say idiotic things so that us lowly citizens, who are too slow to realize what is really going on, complain about how moronic our representatives/leaders/politicians are becoming.  Meanwhile, they lounge about, sipping cocktails, cackling about what idiots we are and plotting how to put something even funnier into our water system than what is already in there, so that they can then press the big red easy button and activate the microchips in the water to immediately create a mind-controlled army.  They will use this army, of course, to take over the world’s black market of maraschino cherries because they ran out and are currently being forced to use regular cherries in their alcoholic beverages which is, frankly, Just. Wrong.

Did I mention that Staples doesn’t have to pay taxes anymore because they provided the easy button?

Are you all shaking your heads in pity at me because you guys already knew this and I am the last to realize?

….featured image courtesy of Wikipedia:….


4 thoughts on “My Epiphany Concerning US Politics

  1. I knew there was something going on with my phone crashing before long posts/comments. The water also tastes funnier than usual, especially after reading this…

  2. Water, must drink water. I don’t know why, but I must drink water.

    Nice post and yes politics on Earth are totally screwed up. What’s it like on Mars?

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